There’s a reason we call Damon the Snark King. From the death of a close friend to the misbehavior of his brother to a tender moment with the girl he loves, the elder Salvatore hasn’t met a moment that’s unworthy of a quippy one-liner. Here, for your reviewing pleasure, we recap Damon’s best no-he-didn’ts from Season 3.

Poor Jeremy
Damon: Didn’t you find it weird how you made a friend so fast. I mean, have you met you?
(Season 3, Episode 19, “Heart of Darkness”)

Apologies, apologies
Damon (to Alaric): Sorry I killed you. Twice.
(Season 3, Episode 20, “Do Not Go Gentle”)

That’s a compliment?
Damon (to Stefan): Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you not being the dumbest brother on earth?
(Season 3, Episode 22, “The Departed”)

Appreciate, don’t hate
Damon: I like that confidence, Stefan. I don’t share it but I like it.
(Season 3, Episode 19, “Heart of Darkness”)

They’ve got something in common
Damon (to Klaus): You didn’t know I was friends with your mommy? Yeah, we have a lot in common. She hates you as much as I do.
(Season 3, Episode 15, “All My Children”)

Translation?
Damon: What does that mean? Bonnie, I don’t speak Witch.
(Season 3, Episode 21, “Before Sunset”)

So true
Damon: We’re vampires Elena. We need human blood to survive. Not puppies.
(Season 3, Episode 17, “Break on Through”)

Good question
Damon (to Elena): Why do you look like somebody shot a panda bear?
(Season 3, Episode 15, “All My Children”)

Mother’s Day
Damon (about Esther): How is she even alive? I thought her hybrid freak show of a son ripped her heart out a thousand years ago.
(Season 3, Episode 14, “Dangerous Liaisons”)

Wait for the right moment
Damon: Hey Stef, remember when you killed Dad? You might want to dial down the judgment until dessert.
(Season 3, Episode 13, “Bringing Out the Dead”)

Stefan needs a hit
Damon: You’ll have to excuse my little brother. He’s jonesing for some O positive.
(Season 3, Episode 17, “Break on Through”)

Don’t get in his way
Damon (about Stefan): He just tried to behead someone in the middle of a council party. He’s operating on Crazy right now.
(Season 3, Episode 11, “Our Town”)

But wait — hear her out!
Damon: I know what you’re thinking and the answer is ‘No.’
Elena: If we give him Rebekah
Damon: Then he undaggers her and the first thing she does is kill you. Frying pan. Fire. Not an option.
(Season 3, Episode 10, “The New Deal”)

Ghost never gets old
Damon: Alright Whoopi. What do you need? Candles, incense, a pottery wheel?
(Season 3, Episode 19, “Heart of Darkness”)

No time to recap
Damon: I found some more white oak. Long story. Wait for the movie.
(Season 3, Episode 18, “The Murder of One”)

Damon drops the L-bomb
Elena: If I hadn’t asked Stefan to help you’d try to be the hero and you would have ruined everything.
Damon: I’m sorry for trying to keep you alive. Clearly Stefan doesn’t give a crap anymore.
Elena: Now you’re mad at me for including Stefan?
Damon: No I’m mad at you because I love you.
Elena: Well, maybe that’s the problem. (Awkward pause.) No, that’s not what I mean —
Damon: No, I got it Elena. I care too much. I’m a liability. How ironic is that?
(Season 3, Episode 14, “Dangerous Liaisons”)

 

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