Credit: Quantrell Colbert/The CW ©2009 The CW Network, LLC Photo: Stefan Interrupts Damon and Elena in Season 1, Episode 15: "A Few Good Men"

Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from “Ordinary People.”

10. Rabbit food
Damon [to Stefan]: “You’ve been on this bunny diet for the better part of 50 years.”

9. Don’t hate the player, hate the game
Damon [to Mikael]: “I really hope this game of 20 questions isn’t your secret weapon.”

8. Journal, schmurnal
Damon: “Yeah. It’s the Lockwood diaries. Pictionary style.”

7. Not to be confused with Papa John’s
Damon: “I now like to call him Papa Original.”

6. Play safe
Damon: “Make sure she doesn’t power play you into a wheelchair.”

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5. Status check
Elena: “How does he look?”
Damon: “Pasty and pouty.”

4. From one brother to another
Damon: “You know I’m not a big champion of this whole Lexi recovery plan. But Elena thinks this place is going to weaken you out. Break you down and make you feel again.”
Stefan: “And we should all listen to Elena, right? I mean, her plans always work out so well, don’t they. Why are you here?”
Damon: “What are you talking about? It’s family day at vampire rehab. I’m just paying a visit to my baby brother.”
Stefan: “Go away.”
Damon: “Nah. I thought we could hang out for a little brother bonding.”

3. Progress?
Damon (about Stefan): “He’s an even bigger dick than ever; it’s just now he’s a dick that’s on our side.”

2. Somewhere over the rainbow
Elena: “Where are you?”
Damon: “No idea. But I’m pretty sure I’m over dressed.”

1. Famous last words
Damon: “I kind of went off book but I know what I’m doing.”