Leave it up to Klaus (Joseph Morgan) to keep things interesting. The Vampire Diaries Season 4, Episode 11, “Catch Me If You Can” opens with Matt (Zach Roerig) tearing through the woods. Mystic Grill’s head busboy is running for his life — from baby neck-nibblers that the Original vampire has compelled to tear him apart. The hunt is Klaus’s way of forcing Jeremy (Steven R. McQueen) to grow the hunter’s mark. You know how the OV thinks: Save a friend by killing a dozen vamps. In Klausland it’s a win-win situation.

But Matt lives in Mystic Falls and he is losing the race. One of the vamps catches up to him and takes a bite out of his jugular. Jeremy saves him by shooting the vamp with an arrow. Another bloodsucker arrives. Jer hesitates. Luckily it’s the elder Salvatore. After lecturing his hunter student about thinking first and staking second, Damon (Ian Somerhalder) decides to run interference for Jeremy and Matt. While they run toward the Gilbert lake house (and safety), D snatches a heart out of one of their pursuer’s chest.

Right before Matt and Jeremy reach the property, a second vampire tackles Matt. This time it’s Elena (Nina Dobrev) to the rescue. She rips the guy off her friend and they scurry into the house just as a bunch of neophyte bloodsuckers step into the clearing, surrounding the property.

The next morning, Elena rages at Damon for, once again, forcing Jeremy to kill in order to grow the mark. “I don’t care about the cure, Damon,” she says. “Not if it means putting the people I love in danger.” She seems to mean it. But then Elena leaves Jeremy with Damon so they can go hunt the sleeping vampires. In the meantime, she escorts Matt home.

Guess who’s coming to breakfast!

At the same time, over at Casa Salvatore, Stefan (Paul Wesley) steps into his bedroom to find Rebekah (Claire Holt) reading his journal. “I know you were daggered for a little while, but knocking is still a thing,” he says. Bex explains that she’s just snooping to make sure that he’s still on her team. After all, Stefan has betrayed her twice in recent months. When Stef convinces her that he is, indeed, playing for Team Crazy, she reveals that she plans to steal Silas’s headstone from Professor Shane (David Alpay) then use it as a bargaining chip to team up with Elena and Damon so that together, they can all beat Klaus in finding the cure.

While the vampires conjure up a new plan, Bonnie (Kat Graham) is at Professor Shane’s office, “training.” The Ph.D claims he can help her learn to use Expression magic safely. Bon-Bon doubts herself. She says she’s failing his class. “I did an Expression spell that almost killed April,” she says. “Failing would have been actually killing her,” Shane replies. “You got a D-minus.” Bonnie does not have time to laugh at his joke. A second later, Sheriff Forbes bursts in and “arrests” Shane for orchestrating the Founder’s Council massacre. Technically we think the Sheriff is kidnapping Shane. After all his office way outside of her jurisdiction at Whitmore College. But this is how the Mystic Falls police roll.

One thing we are sure of: It was not a good idea for Elena to leave lil’ Jer with Damon. D takes Jeremy back to the bar that Klaus turned into a vampire nest. The elder Salvatore figures the newbies will be there because, in their bloodthirsty delirium, they won’t know where else to go. And he’s right. Only problem is that they’re all dead already. Their bodies are piled in the freezer. Jeremy and Damon stand there, mouths agape. Enter Kol (Nathaniel Buzolic). “Sorry about the mess,” the Original brother says. “It was a little crowded when I arrived, and I prefer more intimate gatherings.”

Remember when Kol and Jeremy used to be friends?

We’d forgotten that Kol pretended to be human and buddied up to Jeremy back in Colorado. We’re reminded of that now, as Kol tells them why he slaughtered his brethren. Basically, he says, Silas is dangerous and nuts times ten and raising him will bring about the end of the world.

“We’re not going to back off from the cure because you were told one too many scary bedtime stories,” Damon says. Wrong move. When they make it clear that they’re going to continue their quest to find the cure, Kol attacks. Literally. He tries to rip Jeremy’s arms off but settles for kicking Damon’s cute butt. Meanwhile, Jer runs. When he gets a safe distance away, he stops to call Elena and tell her what happened. Then what does our girl do? Elena goes to ask Klaus for help — which is so many levels of ridiculous that it’s not even funny.

Out at Whitmore College, Stefan and Rebekah search Shane’s now-empty office. They’re looking for the headstone. What they find is his magic weed. Delighted, Bex immediately wants to light up. Stef begs off. ”What happened to you? You were so much fun in the ‘20s,” she says. “I was a psychotic killer with no emotions,” Stefan replies. Funny: Bex remembers the music and fun, but not Stefan’s many, many many murders.

Rebekah does, however, remember a lot of the things she’s seen during her travels. While they rummage through Shane’s collection she names a lot of the things. When she tags a Polynesian sacrificial knife, Stefan is impressed and he asks how she knows what it is. “I enjoy other cultures, Stefan,” Rebekah replies. “I know that might be hard for you to understand, considering you dated a child who only thinks about her self.” Ooh, burn. Stefan replies by throwing the knife at her. But Rebekah easily catches it before it hits her face “It’s still a sensitive subject, I see,” she adds.

And then things get weird

Rebekah tells Stefan another reason why she refused to erase Elena from his memory: “Love and caring ruins you.” She claims that she’s trying to break him of the love habit. She reminds him, once again, of the good times they had when they were dating, dining and doing really naughty things to each other back in the Roaring 20s. “The sex wasn’t good because we didn’t care,” Stefan counters. “It was good because you’re crazy. Crazy sex is always good.”

Hearing this, it seems, is a turn on for these two. They get close. Just as Stef and Bex are about to do it all over Shane’s artifact collection, someone turns the doorknob. They vamp off. A man enters and immediately starts searching the bookshelves. He knocks around until he finds a false wall. He opens it and reveals Silas’s headstone. It looks just like an old rock. But on this show, a simple stone can get you killed. In fact, it gets the stranger tortured. But no matter how hard Rebekah interrogates the mystery guy, he won’t talk. When he can’t help himself and he thinks he might spill, the dude bites off his own tongue. Next he grabs the Polynesian knife and slits his own throat.

Speaking of killer artifacts, back in Mystic Falls, Bonnie does not want to believe that Shane had anything to do with the Young farm massacre so she asks her father to let her talk to the prof at the police station. Even though Mayor Hopkins basically thinks his daughter is “weak-minded” when it comes to Shane, he still lets her enter the interrogation room, where she is greeted by an ounce of snark. “I think your dad’s confused about the format of the parent-teacher conference,” Shane says. Bonnie doesn’t laugh. Instead she sits down like she’s working on Rizzoli and Isles. Her plan is to get Shane to tell her the truth. She’s expecting it to be the opposite of what the Sheriff heard. But then Shane freely confirms that everything Rebekah and April Young told Sheriff Forbes is true.

Now that’s just nuts

A few minutes later, Shane shows Bonnie his crazy. “It wasn’t a massacre. It was a ritual,” he says of the council deaths. He explains that all those people dying was not a bad thing because Silas will bring everyone who died in service to him back to life. How he says this with a straight face is beyond us. We’re glad that when Bonnie sees his true nutty side, she gets up to leave. But the Shane plays the Grams card. “Wouldn’t you like to see her again?” he asks. And Bonnie softens, turns around and sits back down while we throw things at the TV.

While Shane tries to claim witch Bonnie for his cult, Klaus calls his little brother Kol and lectures him about taking Damon hostage. Klaus reminds Kol how important Jeremy and Elena are to his cause. He’s condescending. Still, Kol promises not to hurt Jeremy. And he means it. When Kol gets off the phone with his big brother ,he turns around and compels Damon to do the murderous deed instead.

Damon hilariously executes his orders

Damon doesn’t realize he’s on a murder mission when he and Elena head to Mystic Grill, supposedly to check on Matt. But the minute Damon spots Jer, the vampire gets that crazy look in his eye. Forgetting that he was supposed to be there for Matt, Damon heads across the room. Jeremy’s hunter senses activate. He runs into the kitchen and grabs a gun. When Elena stops Damon to ask what’s up, Jeremy dashes down the old coal shoot into the tunnels beneath the city.

Damon has an a-ha moment when he realizes that he can’t not follow Jeremy into the tunnels. Her tells Elena that he thinks he’s been compelled to kill her little brother. Then, and this is the part that cracks us up, he tells Jeremy. While he stalks his prey, Damon narrates his own actions. “Jeremy are you listening to me? You’d better run!” he says. “I am coming to kill you.” Damon shouts out a play-by-play as he tracks Jeremy through the tunnels. Meanwhile Elena panics and calls Stefan to help.

“Don’t play on my guilt, Shane.”

Downtown in the Mystic Falls jail, Bonnie could use a little help of her own. Shane used the magic word, “Grams,” to get her attention. Then he started to play on her emotions by reminding her that her abuse of power is the reason her grandmother’s soul is being tortured. It is not the smartest move. Bon-Bon starts crippling Shane magically. When her father enters to stop her, she sets the room on fire. Mayor Hopkins panics and asks Shane for help. 

Trembling, Shane talks Bonnie down off the emotional ledge he’d originally pushed her on. In turn, she uncripples his hand and douses the flames. A single tear falls as she turns to walk past her father out the door. “Your daughter is a prodigy,” Shane tells Mayor Hopkins. “With my guidance she could be one of the most powerful witches in the world. But without it. She’s timebomb.” Dang. Nutty Shane’s got mind game!

A few floors beneath them in the tunnels under Mystic Falls, Jeremy cuts his hand to bait Damon with his blood. It works. Sexy Salvatore vamps over. Jeremy attacks, but Damon easily fights him off. “Dumb move, Jer,” he says. “You can’t fight me in closed quarters.” Before he can lunge again, Jeremy shoots Damon twice. It doesn’t stop him. Damon tells him to finish it by shooting him in the heart. Jer hesitates. Then he shoots Damon in the head, knowing it won’t kill him. But at least it buys him time.

Killing: It’s a family affair

Having failed to interrogate the stranger, Rebekah heads over to Casa Klaus to talk to Kol. Or so we think. Instead, she grabs the white oak dagger and threatens to stick her little brother if he doesn’t free Damon from his compulsion. Kol isn’t afraid. He’s insulted. He lectures Rebekah about being “worse than Klaus.” He says it’s pathetic that his family uses the dagger to solves their differences. And we kind of agree. But then Kol turns the tables and tries to kill his sister. “I won’t let you raise Silas,” Kol says as he hold the weapon to his Bex’s chest. Fortunately, Klaus stops him and Kol vamps off. “I think you need a lesson in how to properly dagger a sibling,” Klaus tells Rebekah.

Out in the woods, Elena catches up with Damon and tries to teach him how not to kill Jeremy. She basically says he can use the power of his love for her to break the compulsion. For a sec it looks like D believes her corniness. Heck, we believe her. But then the urge hits Damon and he goes for Jeremy again. Jer shoots one more time. And misses. This time, Stefan saves the day. He vamps in and breaks his big brother’s neck. “You’re welcome,” he tells Elena.

When Damon wakes. He’s back in the Salvatore dungeon. And he’s weak. Stefan, who is sitting beside him, has bled him to make sure he’s not strong enough to fight his way out. Stefan locks his brother in for his own good and heads upstairs where he runs into Elena. She insists on talking to Damon. Stefan advises against it, reminding her that the sire bond would force her to let Damon out if asked. She can’t argue with this so, she changes the subject. “What are you doing with Rebekah?” she asks, adding, “She tried to kill me.” Stefan looks at her like he can’t believe those words just came out of her mouth. “And this is the second time that Damon tried to kill Jeremy,” he says. “So I guess nobody’s perfect.”

Once again, Stef advises Elena not to go downstairs. In turn, Elena tries to psychoanalyze her ex-boyfriend. She tells Stefan that he’s acting out because he’s hurt. He tells her she’s got it all wrong. “You don’t know what I look like when I’m not in love with you,” he says.

“I’m not happy to be right.”

Instead of immediately moving his daughter out of town, Mayor Hopkins takes Bonnie to dinner at the Mystic Grill. He offers to get her help for her magic problem. And we kind of hope that, next week, he sends her to witch rehab. It would be like Detention at Hogwarts! But we digress.

While Mayor Hopkins tries to make things right with Bonnie, Klaus heads over to the Gilbert house to, as he says, “fetch my hunter.” He tells them that Jer will be safer with him, because Kol will burn down the Gilbert house to get them to run out. There’s an ounce of truth in his words. But Elena has learned from her mistake of leaving Jeremy with Damon. She closes the door on Klaus. Then she hatches a new plan. Elena suggests Jeremy solve his current predicament by killing Kol. After all, if they take out one Original, his death would also kill the hundreds — or thousands — of vampires that he has sired. That could not only grow the mark, it could finish it. Is it wrong that we think this is a genius plan?

While Elena plotted to kill Kol, her ex-boyfriend paid a visit to Rebekah. Stefan claimed that he wanted to check on the headstone and update her on his progress with Damon. But really he wanted to cash in on the benefit of their weird new friendship. “No feelings. No attachment,” Bex warns. “None whatsoever,” Stefan replies. Then they hit the sheets. Naughtily.