Credit: Quantrell D. Colbert/The CW Photo: Damon and Elena Dance in Vampire Diaries Season 3, Episode 14, “Dangerous Liaisons”

Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from “Dangerous Liaisons.”

10. Where’s Clarissa to explain it all?
Damon: How is she even alive? I thought her hybrid freak show of a son ripped her heart out a thousand years ago.

9. Poor D’s feelings are hurt
Damon: Anyone else feeling a little used right now?

8. Keep your enemies closer
Damon: Hello Carol. Hanging out with your new besties?
Mayor Lockwood: I’m the mayor Damon. When the oldest deadliest family of vampires moves into your town you welcome them with a smile.
Damon: Well, at least you know who you’re borrowing that cup of sugar from.

7. House party
Damon: It’s not bad enough they’re moving into town? Now they want a housewarming gift?

6. Back to the Future much?
Damon: Can we go back in time to the old Stefan who cared if Elena lived or died?
Stefan: What for? That’s your job now.

5. Word
Damon: Sucks to be her, then.

4. Now, don’t be jealous
Damon: Stop staring. It’s creepy.
Rebekah: Of course she looks good. Nick gave her everything she’s wearing.
Damon: You don’t look bad yourself.
Rebekah: Is that supposed to be a compliment?
Damon: You tried to kill Elena last night. You don’t get compliments.
Rebekah: Cave man.

3. Oh, snap
Damon: Burn. Rejected by the captain of the football team. Welcome to adolescence.

2. Look who’s volunteering
Damon: You  would have broke him in a second.
Rebekah: Are you saying I can’t be gentle?
Damon: No. I’m just saying you should find someone a little more durable.

1. Damon drops the L-bomb!
Elena: If I hadn’t asked Stefan to help you’d try to be the hero and you would have ruined everything.
Damon: I’m sorry for trying to keep you alive. Clearly Stefan doesn’t give a crap anymore.
Elena: Now you’re mad at me for including Stefan?
Damon: No I’m mad at you because I love you.
Elena: Well, maybe that’s the problem. (awkward pause.) No, that’s not what I mean‑
Damon: No, I got it Elena. I care too much. I’m a liability. How ironic is that?

 

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