Credit: Quantrell D. Colbert/The CW ©2012 The CW Network Photo: Damon Eyes His Ring in Season 3, Episode 15: “All My Children”

Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from “All My Children.”

10. Your mother, my friend
Damon (to Klaus): You didn’t know I was friends with your mommy? Yeah, we have a lot in common. She hates you as much as I do.

9. What’s that look mean?
Damon (to Elena): Why do you look like somebody shot a panda bear?

8. Daaaang!
Elena: If you’re mad at me, Damon, you need to get over it.
Damon: Oh, I’m over it [hangs up the phone and rolls over to Rebekah].

7. So nosy
Damon: Are you with the sexy psycho doctor?

6. The day-after conversation
Rebekah: So let’s not make a big deal out of this.
Damon: Exactly.
Rebekah: Besides, I expect you’ll come calling soon enough.
Damon: Let’s not hold our breath.

5. Oh, yes it is!
Damon: It’s not my fault she decided to get jealous.

4. Don’t just stand there
Damon: Clock’s ticking. You going to help me brainstorm a plan or are you too busy fixing a snack?

3. Luck of the draw
Damon: Heads, I do it. Tails, you do it.
Stefan: That’s an awful lot of effort for someone who pretends not to care about her anymore.
Damon: Pot, kettle brother.

2. For you, my most prized possession
Damon: I do. And I thought I could win her from you fair and square. But she didn’t want me. It’s for the best. I’m better at being the bad guy anyway.

1. True that
Damon: Can’t draw power from a dead battery.

 

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