Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from “Before Sunset.”
10. Go, team!
Damon: Gotta say I’m Team Bonnie on this one. How hard can it be to parch a vampire?
9. Look who’s passing the buck
Damon: Don’t blame me. Blame Bonnie the blood bank. She fed him.
8. Klaus should know Damon doesn’t like to share
Klaus: I just need to pick up a few road trip necessities: Spare tire. Flashlight. Doppelganger.
Damon: Can’t help you there.
7. Deep down, he’s a softie
Bonnie: If you are so upset with me, why did you feed me your blood to save my life?
Damon: Because I do stupid things, Bonnie. I do stupid things like let my friend die with dignity when I should have just killed him.
6. But he speaks “sexy”
Damon: What does that mean? Bonnie, I don’t speak witch.
5. Because we love you
Damon: Why am I still alive?
4. The odds are ever in his favor
Stefan: Unfortunately if Alaric kills you, there’s a one in four chance that we die too.
Damon: I’ll take those odds.
Stefan: And there’s a 100 percent chance that Tyler dies.
Damon: I can live with that too.
3. Good point
Damon (to Bonnie): A digital locator spell. Why the hell do I need you then?
2. What’d you call her mama?
Bonnie: Relax. Abby will be here.
Damon: I’m sorry. I forgot about her stellar track record in the dependability department.
Bonnie: Jamie said she was coming. Okay. Just give her time. [doorbell rings]
Damon: Don’t’ get your hopes up. It might be a girl scout.
1. Not likely
Damon (to Stefan): You know how these things pan out, Stefan. She’ll probably make a list of pros and cons and, at the end of the day, dump both our asses.