Credit: Bob Mahoney/The CW ©2011 Photo: Damon Looks Concerned in Season 3, Episode 3: “The End of the Affair”

Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from Season 3, Episode 3, “The End of the Affair.”

10. Charmer
Damon (to Elena): “Get dressed. You’re all road trip-y and gross.”

9. Just checking
Damon (to Elena): “Still handling it?”

8. Am I supposed to be impressed?
Damon: “Gloria. If I knew you were going to age like this I would have stuck around.”

7. My Brother’s Seeker
Klaus: “You don’t’ give up, do you?”
Damon: “Give me my brother back and you never have to see me again.”
Klaus: “I am torn. See, I promised Stefan I’d never let you die. But how many freebies did I sign up for? I’m assuming you want to die or you wouldn’t be here.”
Damon: “What do I say? I’m a thrill seeker.”

6. Real estate woes
Elena:Stefan could have lived anywhere in Chicago and he chose this?”
Damon: “There used to be an all-girls high school around the corner but it shut down for attendance issues. Weird.”

5. So a Kat picks up the phone… or, collect call from Kat
Katherine: “You miss me?”
Damon: "Katherine. Where are you?”
Katherine: "Lurking outside your window, pining away.”
Damon: “What do you want?”
Katherine: “I’m homesick. What have I missed?”
Damon: “Well, Stefan is still Klaus’s little prisoner and Elena still thinks she can save him and no one has thought about you since you left.”

4. You say tomato, I say whoa
Elena: “I told you that I was practically discovered by Klaus and you’re worried about what I’m wearing?”
Damon: “I had an hour to realize what a bad idea it was to leave you here alone, process it, and move on.”

3. And we thought he was so pure
Damon (reading Stefan’s journal): "’March 12th, 1922. I've blacked out days. I wake up in strangers’ blood, in places I don't recognize, with women I don't remember.' [Gasp] I'm shocked! Stefan's not a virgin?"

2. Do we have an ETA on Stefan Salvatore?
Elena: “Where is he?”
Damon: “Windy City.”
Elena: “He’s in Chicago. How do you know?”
Damon: “It came to me in a dream. I was naked. You would have loved it. Start packing.”
Elena: “Is he OK?”
Damon: “Well, let’s just say he’s not there to meet Oprah.”

1. He's giving you a run for your money...
Damon: “You want a partner in crime. Forget Stefan. I’m so much more fun.”

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