Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from Vampire Diaries Season 4, Episode 3, “The Rager.”
10. Tasty treat?
Damon, to Stefan: That hunter jacked Tyler Lockwood of his werewolf venom last night, so basically he’s got vampire poison in a bottle. And I’m going to find him, and I’m going to eat him.
9. Oh captain, my captain
Damon, to Elena: You are a vampire now. You just have to learn the right way to be one. And I’m going to teach you.
8. He’s bad; he knows it.
Jeremy: See, I told you I could be a badass.
Damon: Badasses don’t say that.
7. Evil is as evil does.
Damon, to Connor, about Klaus: I fought this guy, and there’s nothing more evil than that.
6. Oh, brother (Part 1)
Meredith: You are a good brother.
Damon: I’m the bad brother.
Meredith: You’re strung up to a bomb while your brother plays vampire with a girl who broke your heart.
5. To do list
Damon: I don’t want your help. I just want to kill this guy and get the hell out of town.
4.Oh, brother (Part 2)
Stefan, about Elena: I want to help her have some fun.
Damon: Those who can’t do, teach.
Stefan: Ah, I see we’re still fighting.
3. Damon sets the record straight
Connor: Isn’t a hospital a strange place for a germaphobe?
Damon: Did I say germaphobe? I meant vampire.
Damon, to Elena, as he undresses: You staying for the show?
1. Fluff, fluff, boom
Meredith: Tell me that’s not a bomb.
Damon: OK. It’s a kitten. It’s an adorable, exploding kitten.