Credit: Bob Mahoney and Quantrell D. Colbert/The CW ©2012 The CW Network Photo: Damon and Rebekah in Season 3, Episode 18: “The Murder of One”

Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from “The Murder of One.”

11. Some questions should never be asked
Elena: Why do I feel like you’re hiding something from me?
Damon: Maybe because you’re being all paranoid and control-freaky.

10. They’ve never said that to us
Damon: Oooh, muffins. You know what they say: The way to a psycho killer’s heart is through his stomach.

9. We’re just agreeing
Alaric: I have a homicidal alter ego. Unlike some people in this room I would like to take responsibility for the people I killed.
Damon: If you wanted to turn yourself in you wouldn’t say it out loud. I’m just saying.

8. More monikers from the nickname king
Damon: Beefcake holds Bombshell.

7. We beg to differ
Damon: Bekah’s interested. She’s lonely. Desperate.
Caroline: Clearly. She slept with you.

6. Good question
Caroline: Why do I always have to be Klaus bait?
Damon: Because he’s obsessed with you.

5. You know you’ve gone too far when Damon says...
Damon: Gotta admit. Even for me it’s a little kinky.

4. Dude, you cut to the bone!
Damon (to Rebekah): Oh come on. I couldn’t have hurt you that bad. You didn’t think I really had a thing for you did you?

3. Damon hurts Beks a little more
Damon (to Rebekah): If Klaus bossed me around for a thousand years, I’d be a little desperate for attention too.

2. Say it isn’t so
Damon: Are you telling me that your vampire-hating alter ego has a stake that can kill an entire line of vampires. Possibly mine?
Alaric: That’s exactly what I’m telling you.

1. No time to recap
Damon: I found some more white oak. Long story. Wait for the movie.