Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from the third season finale, “The Departed.”
11. Decisions, decisions
Bonnie: It was her call.
Damon: You know what else was her call? Every bad thing ever.
Damon (as Klaus’s eyes pop open): Whoa. Creepy.
9. I love you too, man
Damon (to Stefan): Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you not being the dumbest brother on earth?
8. Luck of the draw
Damon: Our life is one big proverbial coin toss.
7. Storage Ward
Damon: Mini fridge. Couple of birdcages. Box full of Playboys. One beef-jerkified Original.
6. So he can be subtle 4. Hindsight is 20/20
Damon: I was going to use Unit 666 but I figured that would be a little obvious.
5. So impatient
Damon: Just jam the witch locator... bat signal... whatever and get on with it, Bonnie!
Stefan: What would you have done, Damon?
Damon: Grabbed her. Gagged her. Throw her in a well. I don’t know — anything other than let her trust Elijah.
Stefan: You know she’d just hate you for it, right?
Damon: Yeah, but she’d be alive, hating me. Thus the eternal difference between you and me, brother.
3. Goodbye, love
Damon: Well, I guess you’ll just have to say goodbye for both of us. Call me if you cough up a lung.
2. Stating the obvious
Damon (to Alaric): I see you’re still pissed. I take it goldilocks gave you the slip.
1. Not snarky — just sad
Damon (to Elena): I get it. Stefan. It’s always gonna be Stefan.
6. So he can be subtle
4. Hindsight is 20/20