Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from Vampire Diaries Season 4, Episode 7, “My Brother’s Keeper.”

11. We have. You know, like, when she was human!
Damon (to Elena): I don’t think I’ve ever seen you more alive.

10. Why does it have to be about booze, huh?
Damon (about a MIA Jeremy): Do the math. Emo teen. Open bar. It’s fine.

9. Suspicious Damon is Dangerous Damon
Damon (about Hayley and Professor Shane): How do those two know each other?
Tyler: They don’t. Paranoid much?
Damon: The council just got burned to a crisp. This mysterious hunter just blew to town. And this guy just happens to know everything about everything. Yes, paranoid.

8. It’s not crazy if it works
Damon (to Stefan): Please don’t tell me you’ve roped Jeremy into a world of crazy.

7. Technically he never left
Damon: OK, I see shady Stefan’s back.

6. It’s the pot calling the kettle a murderer
Damon: How did you convince the pastor to kill all those people?
Professor Shane: Did you just accuse me of mass murder in the middle of a high school pageant?

5. Good call
Damon: Unless you want Jeremy to go all Connor 2.0, I suggest we find a different hunter.

4. “Weird” is subjective…
Damon (to Elena): I’m sure it had something to do with you acting weird so why don’t you tell me.

3. Wait: What about the sympathy vote?
Damon (about April): Just ‘cause her dad blew up the house with a dozen people in it doesn’t meant that she should get a tiara.

2. Membership has its privileges?
Elena: My brother wants to kill me.
Damon: Welcome to the club.

1. Speak your truth
Damon (to Elena): Stefan told me about the breakup. I’d say I’m sorry. But I’m not.


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