Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from Vampire Diaries Season 4, Episode 8, “We’ll Always Have Bourbon Street.”

11. We’ll give you one secret, selfish morning
Damon, to Elena, about Stefan: Can’t we just let ourselves enjoy one secret, selfish day before we destroy his?

10. And if it’s not?
Damon, to Stefan, about Elena: When her body rejects this blood, which it will, your apology had better be epic.

9. Wait, we’ve got to record this!
Damon, to Stefan: Elena is sired. You were right. I was wrong.

8. Don’t mess with the Patron
Damon, to Charlotte: If anyone tries to touch my drink you show them no mercy.

7. We say connect, you say stalk
Damon, about Charlotte: She went all fatal attraction on me then I had to make a clean break.

6. Can’t a brother just say, “Hi”?
Damon: You’ve come to put a stake in my heart?
Stefan: More like bury the hatchet.

5. Dude, you do not want to hear the answer
Damon, to Lexi: What makes you think I’m not balanced and restrained?

4. The things crazies do for love
Damon, about Charlotte: I kind of told her to count every brick in New Orleans and I’d meet her in the morning.

3. Well…
Stefan: Human sacrifice? Did you really think I’d go for this?
Damon: Extreme circumstances call for extreme measures.

2.We’d gladly submit for that interrogation
Damon: Are you going to help me good cop bad cop this witch or not?

1. To know him is to love him
Stefan: Selflessness isn’t one of your most obvious character traits, Damon.
Damon: Well, one of these days you’re going to realize you don’t know me as well as you think.


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