Credit: Bob Mahoney/The CW ©2011 The CW Network Photo: Damon and Elena Glare in Unison in The Vampire Diaries Season 3, Episode 10: "The New Deal"

Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from Vampire Diaries Season 3, Episode 10, “The New Deal.”

12. Not all witches, we’re sure
Damon: “I hate witches. They’re so fickle and passive aggressive.”

11. Back in the 1800s, right?
Damon: “You know what I can’t figure out? Why save me? Brotherly love. Guilty conscious? Is the switch on? Is the switch off?”
Stefan: “Do you have somewhere you need to be Damon?”
Damon: “Ah, deflection. That’s not going to work on me. I invented that.”

10. On a scale of 1 to ‘that’s right!’
Damon: “Take it from me: Strange is bad. Dead is worse.”

9. Lil sibs: So full of surprises
Klaus: “You’ve been so busy with all your plotting and scheming.”
Damon: “You know me. Never miss a chance to plan an epic failure.”
Klaus: “Don’t’ be so hard on yourself. Who could have guessed that your own brother would betray you?”
Damon: “Well, I did have a front row seat when your sister lied to you.”
Klaus: “Well she’s fickle, that one.”

8. That’s one tie that bonds
Damon: “We can bond over our mutual loathing of my brother.”

7. As cute blonde psychos are wont to do
Damon: “I know what you’re thinking and the answer is ‘No.’”
Elena: “If we give him Rebekah…”
Damon: “Then he undaggers her and the first thing she does is kill you. Frying pan. Fire. Not an option.”

6. Now that’s a liquid diet
Damon (to Alaric): “You have a choice: Bloody Mary. Screwdriver. Brunch in a bottle.”

5. Studying the End of Civilization 101
Damon: “It’s the eve of Klaus-ageddon and you’re doing homework.”

4. Cribs: The TVD Edition
Damon: “The last time I checked you were hiding out in a haunted house.”

3. Generation Next
Damon: “Kids today. What are their values?”

2. That’s not really possible

Elena: “Well, you’re day drunk. It’s not exactly your most attractive look.”
Damon: “Oh. What is my most attractive look?”
Elena: “I’m not saying that you have any attractive looks; I’m just saying that this is my least favorite one.”

Damon: “Noted. I’ll see if I can make any improvements.”

1. Be careful what you call my sister
Klaus: “My sister seems to be missing. I need to sort that out.”
Damon: “Cute? Blonde bombshell? Psycho? Shouldn’t be too hard to find.”

 

Credit: You Tube Photo: Watch Damon and Elena Kiss in Vampire Diaries Season 3, Episode 10, "The New Deal"