Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from “A View to a Kill.”

12. Wise move
Damon (to Klaus): I figured it was probably smarter to sit in her and chit chat with you rather than try and bust out of here like the Hulk.

11. The one thing he couldn’t wait to tell
Damon (about Rebekah): Let me guess: She pledged her allegiance to you while you were naked in the sack.
Stefan: I bet you were just dying to get that out, weren’t you, Damon.
Damon: Oh, was that supposed to be a secret?

10. Jer’s a “tat’s half-full” kind of guy
Damon (to Jeremy): Where’s that Gilbert optimism?

9. Damon’s little wack book
Damon (to Stefan): Well, well. Looks like my brother ripped out a page from my revenge sex handbook.

8. D acts like it doesn’t bother him. But it does.
Damon (to Stefan): Silent treatment, huh? Is that your best shot?

7. Kids these days…
Damon: Do you know how hard it is to get these XBox brains to focus?

6. The reason that Elena cares
Damon (to Klaus): Some people are just more capable of forgiveness than others. I bet you’d score about a negative 500 in that realm.

5. Villain bonding
Klaus (about Elena): What is it you say to her?
Damon: I think this about a certain blond vampire. I think you murdered Carol Lockwood, and I think you’re worried Caroline’s never gonna forgive you.
Klaus: You’ve done worse
Damon: Debatable.

4. A bloodsucker’s logic
Damon: I don’t mind being the bad guy because someone has to fulfill that role and get things done. You do bad things for no reason. You do them to be a dick!

3. To know Damon is to love Damon
Damon (to Klaus, about Elena): She’s met me. She knows impulse control is not my strong suit.

2. Famous last words
Damon: Here we go.

1. A purpose-driven life
Damon: If you going to be bad, be bad with purpose. Otherwise you’re not worth forgiving.