Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from Vampire Diaries Season 4, Episode 6, “We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes.”

15. You couldn’t tell me that sooner?
Damon, to Elena: You should have called Stefan.
Elena: I don’t trust him right now, Damon.
Damon: PS, I called Stefan.

14. Feelings change, people change
Damon, to Elena: Look at you being all glass is half-empty.

13. 911 Emergency
Damon, on phone to Jeremy: Little Gilbert. Your services are needed.

12. How you’d find me?
Damon, to Elena: Didn’t take a genius to figure it out. Third time is the charm.

11. He’s got a degree in danger
Professor Shane: What’s your specialty.
Damon: The origin of the species.
Shane: I think Darwin would arm-wrestle you for that distinction.
Damon: Not that species.

10. A stake or a vampire?
Bonnie, to Jeremy: “You need to kill a vampire.”
Jeremy: Great! Get me a stake, and I’ll kill Damon right now.
Damon: Easy, Van Helsing. We’ll get you one.

9. Wise words, brother
Damon, to Stefan about Klaus: Quit avoiding him and being shady. Shady people get outted.

8. That’s a lot of clichés
Stefan: It’s Klaus.
Damon: Time to face the music. Pay the piper. Dance with the devil.

7. He would swim to China for Elena
Damon, about Elena’s daylight ring: Fished it out of the river for you. Little tip: Vampires hate to swim.

6. Odd advice
Elena, about Jeremy: What am I going to say to him?
Damon: Thanks for not ditching the family ring even after it drove ‘Ric crazy.

5. Shoot. He’s lucky she doesn’t have power!
Damon, to Bonnie: But nothing. Wave your magic wand. Hocus-pocus. Be gone huntus ghostus whatever.

4. Good Question; Better answer
Bonnie: How does Klaus even know about this?
Damon: How does Klaus know anything? The guy’s like a billion years old.

3. True Confession
Damon, to Elena about Stefan: This rough patch you two have been going through is not what you think. Everything he’s been doing, he’s been doing for you. To help you. And after he kills me for telling you this, I want you to throw my ashes off the Wickery Bridge, OK?

2. Time to dig out our copy of Heathers!
Damon: You know what they say about teenage suicide: Don’t do it.

1. Dang that’s harsh
Bonnie: How did I not know any of this stuff about Jeremy?
Damon: The witch who loses her powers gets left out of important conversations.

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