One thing we’ll never say about The Vampire Diaries: “You took the words right out of our mouths.” Elena and the gang utter things we’d never dream of saying — or at least hope we never have to. Without further ado, here are the top twenty notable quotables from this week’s ep, “Dangerous Liaisons.”
20. Live or Memorex?
Elena: How are you alive? Are you a ghost?
19. True that
Esther: Forgiveness is not a chore. It’s a gift.
18. Don’t ask
Rebekah: Hi. How are you doing?
Matt: Well, let’s see. I went to a dance and got my hand crushed. I found out that I don’t have health insurance so I just need a minute to myself.
17. Murder she wrote
Elena: I signed their death sentences, Stefan.
Stefan: No, you signed Klaus’ death sentence, Elena. Everyone else is collateral damage.
16. Are you ready to parrrrty?
Elena: It’s all so weird. The originals are planning a ball. Like, an actual ball.
Caroline: It’s some twisted Cinderella fetish is what it is.
15. And she’s still sore
Rebekah: You drove a dagger through my back, Elena. It hurt.
14. That’s what we want to know!
Damon: How is she even alive? I thought her hybrid freak show of a son ripped her heart out a thousand years ago.
13. Oh, poor D
Damon: Anyone else feeling a little used right now?
12. I’ve got a crush on you
Klaus: I fancy you. Is that so hard to believe?
11. Fed up
Elena: I can’t deal with either of the Salvatores right now.
10. Talk about daddy issues
Klaus: You know horses are the opposite of people. They’re loyal. My father hunted me for a thousand years and the closest he ever came was the day he killed my favorite horse. He severed its neck with a sword as a warning.
Caroline: Did you ever consider sitting down with your father and talking it out?
9. A mother’s twisted love
Esther: I love my family Elena, but they are an abomination. I betrayed nature when I created them. It’s my duty to kill them.
8. He’s got the fever
Kol: I’m itching to kill something. What are we waiting for?
7. Watch your back
Rebekah (about Elena): Careful Caroline, it’s all well and good until she stabs you in the back.
Damon: Damon Salvatore. Have we met?
Kol: I’ve met a lot of people. And you don’t particularly stand out.
5. Isn’t it ironic?
Elena: Now you’re mad at me for including Stefan?
Damon: No I’m mad at you because I love you.
Elena: Well, maybe that’s the problem. (Awkward pause.) No, that’s not what I mean —
Damon: No, I got it Elena. I care too much. I’m a liability. How ironic is that?
4. Talk about irony
Stefan: Maybe you should being such a controlling dick, Damon.
Damon: Hang on. I’m the problem here?
Stefan: You’re a liability brother.
Damon: I’m trying to keep her alive, Stefan.
Stefan: Yeah well, your emotions are getting in the way of our plan.
Damon: My emotions? How is this even happening right now?
Stefan: Maybe because you care too damn much.
Caroline (to Klaus): I get it. Your father didn’t love you so you assume no one else will either. And that’s why you compel people or you sire them or you try to buy them off. But that’s not how it works. You don’t connect with people because you don’t even try to understand them.
2. Mommie dearest
Stefan: So, Esther wants to kill her whole family. How’s that for mother of the year?
1. Feelings, nothing more than feelings
Stefan: Do you really think I want to be this person? I hurt you Elena. I bit you. I hate myself for what I did to you.
Elena: Then show it. Do something. Stefan, anything is better than trying to convince me that you don’t’ care… Stefan?
Stefan: If I let myself care all I feel is pain.