One thing we’ll never say about The Vampire Diaries: “You took the words right out of our mouths.” Elena and the gang utter things we’d never dream of saying — or at least hope we never have to. Without further ado, here are the top 21 notable quotables from this week’s episode, “Heart of Darkness.”
20. What’s that say about youth today?
Matt: It’s sad that you can’t just get a ride home from school without thinking there’s some ulterior motive.
Rebekah: You’re right. I’m probably going to organize the whole dance then have to compel myself a date.
19. Alaric faces the facts
Alaric (about his evil alter ego): The thing is he’s me. I’m not compelled. I’m not possessed. There’s no humanity switch. What drives him is me.
18. Mommy and me
Esther: Not a day has gone by that I wasn’t right there with you.
Rebekah: But you still tried to kill me.
Esther: Because it shouldn’t have been a thousand years, Rebekah. No one should live that long.
Rebekah: But I haven’t lived at all.
17. One for all, all for none
Tyler: Klaus turned me. So if he dies. I die.
Caroline: I know that. They know that. The difference is: Damon doesn’t care.
Kol (to Jeremy): No hard feelings mate. But we’re not buds.
15. Sometimes it’s better not to know.
Alaric: What’s Klaus going to do if he can’t find it?
Elena: Wage war. Murder people. You know, Klaus stuff.
14. You don’t have to go home but…
Stefan: Unless you’re going to stake me, why don’t you get the hell out of my house.
13. Caroline calls ’em like she sees ’em
Rebekah: Honestly, I don’t know what my brother sees in you.
Caroline: Maybe he sees a challenge. You see, unlike some other people I don’t sleep with everyone I make eye contact with.
12. Original Payback’s a b—
Kol: You snapped my neck. You killed my brother. And then you humiliated me. [He breaks Damon’s back with a baseball bat.] Now we’re even.
11. What do you mean, IDK?
Damon: What are you doing? This trip… and you kissing me. What the hell is this?
Elena: Stefan thinks that I have feelings for you.
Damon: Well, do you?
Elena: I don’t know.
10. Some things are out of his control
Stefan: No matter what I go through to get her back — fighting my blood lust, trying to gain control of my life again — none of that matters if she has feelings for somebody else.
9. Damon (about Jeremy’s skills at bat): Next time we compel him we’re going to make him better at baseball.
8. He has a point
Jeremy: So you traveled across country to get me to talk to a dead vampire?
Damon: I think ‘dead vampire’ is redundant. But, yes.
7. That’s what friends are for
Jeremy: I can’t believe I didn’t know Kol is a vampire.
Damon: Well, didn’t you find it weird how you made a friend so fast? I mean, have you met you?
Elena: Not helping.
6. Mommie dearest
Rebekah: Mother. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now.
Esther: Because I’m dying.
5. Crazy is as crazy does
Evil Alaric: You’re so weak. Look at you. One of nature’s most hideous creatures and you can’t even get that right.
Evil Alaric: Me.
4. Good guess
Alaric: I’m taking bets that my dark side has a sense of self-preservation.
3. Bloody Mary
Kol: Shame about Mary. She used to be a blast. I fear all the time she spent with my family might have ruined her. She was a bit of an Original groupie.
2. The angel inside
Elena: Why don’t you let people see the good in you?
Damon: Because when people see good they expect good. And I don’t want to have to live up to anybody’s expectations.
1. This time Damon does the right thing
Damon: I’m sorry Elena. This time I’m not going to make it so easy for you. This time you’ll have to figure it out for yourself.