Credit: Quantrell D. Colbert/The CW ©2012 The CW Network Photo: Rebekah and Elijah in Season 3, Episode 15: “All My Children”

One thing we’ll never say about The Vampire Diaries: “You took the words right out of our mouths.” Elena and the gang utter things we’d never dream of saying — or at least hope we never have to. Without further ado, here are the top 24 notable quotables from this week’s ep, “All My Children.”

24. No means no
Alaric: I’m pretty sure she told you to get lost.
Kol: I’m pretty sure I don’t care.
Alaric [stabs Kol with the white ash dipped dagger]: Next time, take a hint.

23. Not so kick-ass
Alaric: It kind of sucks getting my ass kicked on a date.
Meredith: That’s what you get for picking fights with guys 30 times your age.

22. Broody, schmoody
Damon [to Stefan]: Why are you so extra broody?

21. Sounds naughty
Meredith: Relax. Damon and Stefan are going to take care of Elena. I am going to take care of you.

20. Is that any way to talk to your mother?
Klaus: End this now Mother, or I’ll send you back to hell.

19. Just checking
Elena: So this is how it’s going to be — I hurt your feelings so you do something to lash out at me?
Damon: Well maybe, for once, something I did had nothing to do with you.

18. Extra, extra
Kol: Out all night. What a scandal.

17. Looking on the bright side
Kol: Our sister is a strumpet. But at least she’s having fun.

16. What forgiveness sounds like
Kol: Join me Nik. It’s the least you can do after sticking a dagger in my heart.

15. Oh, snap!
Rebekah: Please go. This house has enough men rolling around in it.
Kol: Just like you, Rebekah.

14. Privacy un-guarded
Caroline: It’s not working. I can hear every word you’re saying about Damon, The Vampire Gigolo.

13. You take her (no, you!)
Damon: I did you a favor. Now you can come in and sweep her off her feet.
Stefan: Nah. She’s better off without me. She’s sure as hell better off without you.
Damon: Fine. Neither one of us gets her.

12. The truth hurts
Elijah: She wants to kill us all, doesn’t she? She wants to undo the evil she created.
Elena: I’m so sorry Elijah. I wish there was something we could do to help.
Elijah: You know one thing I’ve learned in my time on this earth, be careful what you wish for.

Credit: Quantrell D. Colbert/The CW ©2012 The CW Network Photo: Stefan in Season 3, Episode 15: “All My Children”

11. Slutty news travels fast
Damon: She’s not answering her phone.
Alaric: I’m surprised you had time to call, what with all this Original sex you’ve been having.

10. Blame the new guy
Klaus: Oh, come on now. Let’s not go blaming the new family in town just because you lot have got yourselves a killer at large.

9. He’s just a little out of practice
Damon: I’m a little embarrassed to admit it but, when it comes to killing a thousand year old resurrected witches, I’m a little rusty.

8. Sister sister
Elijah [to Rebekah]: I wielded you like I would a sword. My own sister.

7. Finally someone says what we’ve been thinking
Rebekah [to Elena]: Do you think I want to spend what could be the last few hours of my life having idle chitchat with the girl who literally stabbed me in the back? Of course not. But for some reason everybody wants to bend over backwards to save your life. Which is incredibly annoying but makes you the perfect hostage. So why don’t you sit down and shut up before I ruin everything by ripping your head off?

6. Kol abuse (Part 1)
Rebekah [to Kol]: if you don’t’ shut your mouth, the next thing to come out of it will be your teeth.

5. Kol abuse (Part 2)
Klaus [to Kol]: Say another word and I’ll tear out your liver.

4. Crushing on Caroline
Klaus: Isn’t she stunning?
Kol: She certainly looks good walking away from you.

3. As luck would have it
Damon: Heads, I do it. Tails, you do it.
Stefan: That’s an awful lot of effort for someone who pretends not to care about her anymore.
Damon: Pot, kettle brother.

2. Any last words?
Rebekah: So Elena, how does it feel to know these may be your last moments?
Elena: I don’t know. You tell me. You’re the one whose mother is trying to kill her.

1. Truth be told
Elijah: Mother made us vampires. But she didn’t make us monsters. We did that to ourselves.

 

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