Credit: Bob Mahoney/The CW ©2011 Photo: Damon Looks Concerned in Season 3, Episode 3: “The End of the Affair”

Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did primetime’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from Season 3, Episode 2, “The Hybrid,” including an entire Delana exchange that had us on the edge of our seats.

5. How not to deliver bad news…
Damon: “It’s been kind of a busy day. You know, dead fake girlfriend and all.
Elena: Why didn’t you tell me?”
Damon: “Happy birthday, Elena. Stefan killed Andie. Cake?”

4. Damon sets limits (sort of)
Damon [to Elena]: “OK. But we’re out of here before the moon is full and I’m werewolf bait. Unless you want to relive your whole deathbed kissy thing.”

3. Yes, he’s his brother’s keeper
Damon: “Fancy meeting you here.”
Stefan: “What part of ‘Don’t follow me anymore,’ got lost in the translation?”

2. Some states taste better than others
Elena: “[Stefan’s call] came from Tennessee.”
Damon: “Where he’s been binge-drinking on country folk.”

1. Sometimes it’s like pulling teeth
Elena: “Damon, is [Stefan] ok?”
Damon: “No, he’s not OK Elena. He’s an insufferable martyr that needs his ass kicked. But he can be saved.”
Elena: “What happened out there? What changed your mind.”
Damon: “I changed my mind because even in his darkest place my brother still can’t let me die. So I figure I owe him the same in return. I’ll help you bring him back.”
Elena: “Thank you.”
Damon: “But before I do, I need you to answer one question. What made you change your mind?”
Elena: “What do you mean?”
Damon: “You were so hell-bent on staying on that mountain then you just gave up. So what changed your mind?”
Elena: “We were under attack, Damon.”
Damon: “You had a bag full of weapons and a teacher with an eternity ring. You could’ve kept going.”
Elena: “It was too dangerous.
Damon: “It was too dangerous going out there to begin with. So what was it?”
Elena: “Why are you being like this?”
Damon: “What changed your mind, Elena?”
Elena: “I didn’t want to see you get hurt! Ok? I was — I was worried about you.”
Damon [smirks]: “Thanks.”
Elena: “Yes, I worry about you. Why do you have to hear me say it?”
Damon: “Because when I drag my brother from the edge and deliver him back to you I want you to remember the things you felt while he was gone.”