Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from Season 4, Episode 11, “Catch me If You Can.”

7. Tunnel of love Lolz
Damon (Jeremy): Seriously? You’re being hunted by a vampire and now you’re bleeding?   

6. Is that the “new” math?
Damon (to Jeremy): You have to kill vampires to complete the hunter’s mark. Mark equals cure. You’re in a bar full of homeless vampires, son. Get your hunt on.

5. In Mystic Falls, every good deed goes punished
Elena: I don’t care about the cure, Damon. Not if it means putting the people that I love in danger.
Damon: There would have been no danger if he hadn’t gone all bleeding heart.

4. Famous Last Words
Damon: Trust me. I will keep him safe.

3. Translation: No thanks.
Kol (to Damon and Jeremy): Care for a drink?
Damon: He’s underaged. And I don’t like you.

2. One man’s scary story is another man’s truth
Damon (to Kol): We’re not going to back off from the cure because you were told one too many scary bedtime stories.

1. Look who’s talking to himself
Damon (about Jeremy): He shot me in the head. Stupid idiot, borderline brain-dead moron.