Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from, Vampire Diaries Season 4, Episode 4, “The Five.”

8. Or raise a class…
Damon: Hats off to these idiots.

7. The Search for Strange
Damon to Stefan, about Connor: I’m looking for his supernatural handbook.

6. One brother’s bash, another brother’s treasure
Damon: Can’t tell you. We’re in a fight.
Stefan: You’re in a fight. I’m not in a fight. I’m over it. I’ve been over it.
Damon: You’re not still mad at me about Elena?
Stefan: You let her feed on you. I’m always going to be mad at you but we’re not in a fight.

5. What’s with the name-calling?
Damon, about Professor Shane: What is this guy, Witchepedia?

4. True that
Damon: Everyone is someone’s uncle or father or camp counselor or Bible study teacher, Elena.

3. Feelings, Nothing More than Feelings
Bonnie: What’s going on?
Damon: Nothing. Elena’s educating me on the importance of feelings.

2. Again with the name calling
Damon: Oh look, Professor Creepy.

1. The Secret to his Vampire Success
Damon: I can revel in it. I can make it fun.

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