Credit: Bob Mahoney/The CW Photo: Damon Drinks His Bourbon in Vampire Diaries Season 3, Episode 11, “Our Town”

Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from “Our Town.”

9. Gotta have priorities
Alaric: Suddenly you care who lives or dies.
Damon: I have a small list.
Alaric: Talk about a humanity dimmer switch.
Damon: Screw you.

8. True words
Damon (about Stefan): He just tried to behead someone in the middle of a council party. He’s operating on crazy right now.
Klaus: Crazy or not, that kind of love never dies.

7. An inside joke
Damon (to Stefan): Relax brother. You don’t want your hair to fall out.

6. He’s one to talk
Damon: These hybrids. They’re really bringing the neighborhood down.

5. And you wonder why witches hate you
Damon: You’d think that if spirits of a bunch of dead witches can figure out how to make a coffin invisible that they’d figure out how to open one. [Pause.] Fine. Don’t help.

4. Liar, liar pants on fire
Alaric: Something’s up with Elena. Something more than usual. Do you know what it is?
Damon: Well, I’m sure it starts with a ‘Stef’ and ends with an ‘an.’

3. Rules are meant to be broken
Damon (to Stefan): What are you doing? No dead hybrids at the founders’ party.

2. This is an egg…
Damon: Your switch is fried, Stefan. Just like your brain.

1. He oughta know
Damon: The only way to call someone’s bluff, Stefan, is to be willing to lose everything if you’re wrong.