Credit: Quantrell D. Colbert/The CW

Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from “Do Not Go Gentle.”

9. If not now, when
Damon: I don’t know if now’s the best time for you to be going on a spirit quest, ‘Ric.

8. Mine!
Damon: He already has a brother. Not to be territorial or anything.

7. Where’s Dr. Kevorkian when you need him?
Damon: I’m suggesting we put him out of his misery.
Elena: What?
Jeremy: No way in hell.
Damon: Oh come on. It’s what he would want. It’s a mercy killing.

6. Apologies, apologies
Damon: Are you still mad at me for what happened to Abby? Let me apologize. I’m sorry Elijah forced us to turn your mother into a vampire to save Elena’s life. But we didn’t exactly have a choice.
Bonnie: There’s always a choice. But whenever you make one someone else suffers.

5. That’s what friends are for
Damon: I offered to snap his neck and put him out of his misery but he didn’t take me up on it.
Meredith: You seem surprised.
Damon: Well you just think a guy who’s so used to dying wouldn’t want to drag it out.
Meredith: Well it was nice of you to give him an option.
Damon: Apparently my choices have been a little controversial lately.

4. Absolute accessory
Damon (to Stefan): I’m thinking, gardenia corsage. Wrist, obviously. You don’t want to accidentally stab her in the chest. That could get messy.

3. Payback is a b—
Alaric: Is this the part where you give me a dream with rainbows and rolling green hills?
Damon: I was drunk when I told you that.
Alaric: Yeah and I told you I’d use it against you.
Damon: Damn you.

2. Meet Mr. Killjoy
Damon: Sorry to spoil your seven minutes in heaven. We’ve got a problem.

1. Goodbye dear friend
Damon: Sorry I killed you. Twice.
Alaric: So I have to actually die to get a real apology out of you.

 

Need your daily Vampire Diaries fix? Like us on our Facebook page, or follow us on Twitter!