Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from Vampire Diaries Season 4, Episode 10, “After School Special.”

9. Science for vampires
Damon: Darwinism, Klaus. He [Jeremy] needs to be able to protect himself before we hunt down his first vampire nest.
Klaus: And here was I thinking you’re the fun brother.

8. Vengeance is his, sayeth the hottie
Damon: Jeremy, watch and learn. [He loads a handgun and fires two shots into Klaus.] That was for Carol Lockwood.

7. Oh, that’s why!
Damon (to Klaus): Now I know why those hybrids hated you. You are annoying.

6. But murder is wrong…
Jeremy (upon seeing a room full of dead people): You said you were going to convince Klaus to do this another way.
Damon: Well, I thought about it then I realized his idea is better.

5. Klaus would win. But then he’d lose
Damon (to Klaus): If you’re here for payback, go for it —  ‘cause you’ll be stuck babysitting the Little Hunter That Could.

4. That’s good news
Damon: I’m thinking that for the first time all week I’m happy to be at Camp Nowhere.

3. The best coach ever
Damon: I told him if they’re good I’d buy them both ice cream.

2. Can we be Facebook friends too?
Jeremy: Don’t’ act like you care about my life. You care about the hunter’s mark and curing Elena so she’s not sired to your ass.
Damon: Both require you to be alive. Which is why I’ve updated our relationship status to “It’s complicated.”

1. Only in our dreams
Damon (to Elena): Listen carefully. Get in your car. Right now. Come to me.