Damon Salvatore is the snark king of Mystic Falls. Sure, he mumbles and has a tendency to smirk. But oh — the things that come out of his mouth. So what witticisms did prime time’s finest bloodsucker drop this week? Here are Damon’s best zingers from Season 4, Episode 14, “Down the Rabbit Hole.”

10. Can we get a close-up?
Damon: Do I look like I know anything about tattoos? Look at my skin. It’s flawless.

9. See: Damon’s conversation with Shane from last week
Damon (to Vaughn): You’re using me to get to Bonnie Bennett? Whoa, brother. You picked the wrong vampire.

8. The perks of being a vampire
Damon: If I wasn’t a vampire, then I wouldn’t be able to do nine of the things I’m going to do to you when I’m free. [Galen pushes Damon.] Make that 10.

7. Who are you calling an ogre?
Damon (to Vaughn): Here’s the deal, Shrek.

6. Yes, sir!
Damon (to Stefan): Get your ass down the well and help Elena get the damn thing.

5. Violence is never the answer (except, maybe, sometimes)
Galen: Hate to kill you.
Damon: Ditto. Pesky hunter’s curse and all.

4. A Dying wish? We don’t think so
Damon: How do you want to do this?
Galen: I’ll make it quick and painless.
Damon: Wish I could make the same promise.

3.Damon is ride or die, didn’t you know?
Galen: Your attachment to your friends will be the end of you.
Damon: You don’t know my friends. [Rebekah enters.] Or my enemies.

2. He’s not talking about doing the Cat Daddy
Damon: We gonna dance or are we gonna play?

1. True words, brother!
Damon (to Rebekah): Life sucks. Get a helmet.