Bring the drama, y’all, because The (big, bad) Governor is officially back! After the last episode (The Walking Dead Season 4, Episode 7, “Dead Weight“), the show’s big baddie, played by British actor David Morrissey, might actually be slashing and worming his way into your heart. And he’s not without a few valuable teachings of his own!
He may have one eye, but he’s got lots of life lessons, and here they are. Haters be damned!
Sometimes You Can’t Fight Who You Really Are.
But you can erase all ties to your dark past. If someone threatens to ruin what you’ve built for yourself (even if it’s built on lies), delete them. Golf clubs, knives, your bare hands — use whatever means necessary.
So Be Who You Are!
The internal struggle and constant anxiety gets old quick. You can try to fight it, but it’s easier to just let go and be true to yourself — even if a few suckers have to die along the way.
People Believe What They Want to Believe.
Especially in times of crisis, like say, a zombie apocalypse. Don’t be a dummy, their weakness is your golden opportunity!
Heroes Make Stupid Decisions.
Swooping in to save the day will likely get you killed — or worse. Anyone can play a hero, but not everyone can be a leader.
Don’t Piss Off a Woman. With a Sword.
Lest you lose something you’re quite fond of — like your eyeball.
Feel like you’re a one-eyed loser with nothing to live for? Heck no you’re not! You’re a charismatic, one-eyed pirate named Brian who’s up for some serious homicide! Self confidence is everything.
MORE: Daryl Dixon’s Life Lessons
Don’t Eat the SpaghettiOs.
Uh-oh, SpaghettiOs! First of all, SpaghettiOs don’t taste the same as an adult as they did when you were a kid. Second, avoid (or at least limit) carbs at all costs — even in the Walker-pocalypse. And third: If it comes down to cat food canned tuna versus canned pasta? Protein wins every time.
But on a serious note: David explained the now infamous SpaghettiOs incident (he threw them out the window instead of eating them) to The Daily Beast, “What he has against the SpaghettiOs is that they’re a gift from someone else. He’s not worthy of a gift from someone else, but also he doesn’t want to be indebted to someone else. He feels that it’s a trap and he doesn’t want to accept it.”
Nothing Helps Bring Back Your Humanity Like a Little Lovemaking.
This is not to mention the many health and stress relief benefits, but you knew about those already, right? Oh, and if you did end up eating those SpaghettiOs, a little late night nookie should burn those calories right off.
MORE: Tyreese’s Life Lessons
A Pinky Swear Means Everything.
The Governor doesn’t take these lightly. And neither should you.
Let bygones, Be Bygones.
Obviously, this was a short-lived lesson. The word of the day is revenge.
Especially when you have a lot of other heavy sh*t to worry about — like your existential transition. Now, we can’t say Michonne feels the same way about The Gov.
MORE: Hershel Greene Life Lessons
Can’t wait to find out what happens to The Governor? Click here for the latest Walking Dead spoilers.
The Walking Dead airs Sunday nights at 9 p.m. ET on AMC.