Credit: FOX

X Factor auditions are a giant hot mess of magical wonder, yet Simon Cowell and his minions always end up finding a handful of shining stars. Get the lowdown by checking out our favorite performances from The X Factor's Season 2 premiere! Oh, and also — we're loving Britney's new hipster glasses. Before we know it she'll be wandering around in Bobs (Skechers' versions of Tom's shoes, duh).

1. Paige Thomas Drops Our Collective Jaws
How do we love Paige Thomas? Let us count the ways. First of all, this girl started pretty-crying before her performance even began (always a good sign), and then slayed the judges with her fabulous stage presence while belting out "I'm Going Down" by Mary J. Blige. Not only does she have a mean set of pipes, Paige was rocking a seriously snazzy pair of stockings. And triple bonus? She comes with an adorable love child!

Credit: YouTube Photo: Watch Paige Thomas Sing Mary J. Blige's "I'm Going Down" During X Factor 2012 Audition on September 12, 2012 (VIDEO)

2. Justin Bieber May or May Not Have a Little Brother Named Reed Deming
Despite the fact that Reed felt the need to wear a chain around his neck for no explicable reason, we appreciated his pre-performance routine: Clapping to himself with glee, jumping up and down, and saying things like "all these emotions just mixed together!" His performance of "Grenade" by Bruno Mars was fabulous, and we just want to buy him all the middle-aged man vests and fedoras he could ever dream of. Sob!

3. Quatrele Da'an Smith Tries to Marry Britney Spears
You might think professional cake decorator Quatrele came dressed as a bride for kicks, but we have it on good authority that Britney was just using him as a model for potential wedding dresses. To which we say, next! Britney only gets married in sweatsuits that say "bride" on the butt, thank you very much. Either way, Quatrele's performance of "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga was top notch, and we plan on binge eating every cake he's ever decorated in celebration.

4. Emblem3 Takes Things Back To 1995
Remember when New Kids On The Block was your favorite band? Well, Emblem3 is kind of like New Kids On The Block, only their block is the best block ever. The band consists of two biological brothers and one rando, who rap about cool places like Sunset Boulevard while "tanking it up" (bro code for wearing tank tops). Britney called them "funky," which is pretty much the nicest thing she's ever said, so we'll give them an A+. Also, all three of these kids are clearly Crips.

5. Jennel Garcia Loves The 80s, And We Love Her
We're calling it right now: Jennel Garcia (not to be confused with Teen Mom's Jenelle Evans) is going to win The X Factor. She's pretty, lovable, sweet, personable, and most importantly she knows how to take her passion and make it happen. Yes, we were slightly traumatized by girlfriend's bike shorts (this is like jeggings all over again), but Jennel sang her heart out. OMG, you guys –– she's not a girl, not yet a woman!

Credit: YouTube Photo: Watch Jennel Garcia Sing Grace Potter's "Paris" in The X Factor Audition on September 12, 2012 (VIDEO)

6. Jillian Jensen Makes Everyone Cry, Including Simon Cowell
Demi Lovato somehow made it through Jillian's emotional and stirring performance with just one elegant tear dripping down her face. We, on the other hand, were weeping into a pile of pizza, hot dogs, "dunkers," and Hershey's Whoppers (we only eat Britney's favorite foods). Jillian's voice was sexy, raspy, and full of heartfelt emotion. While we're not sure if her vocals was as finessed as Jennel's, she definitely has potential. Bring it, girl.

Credit: YouTube Photo: Watch Jillian Jensen Sing Jessie J's "Who You Are" During X Factor Audition on September 12, 2012 (VIDEO)

7. Johnny Maxwell Is A Diamond In The Rough
As Demi Lovato duly noted, Johnny has major swag. He also chose to wear khaki pants to his audition, but we're willing to forgive and forget –– his performance was that outstanding! Watching this teenage dreamboat rap was kind of like that one time we went to a slam poetry session in college, only instead of turtlenecks everyone was wearing diamonds in their ears. In other words, we approve.

Credit: Youtube Photo: Watch Johnny Maxwell Perform "All These People" in X Factor 2012 Audition on Sept 13 (VIDEO)

9. Carly Rose Sonenclar
All we can say is that L.A. Reid starting falling asleep / crying during Carly's beautiful performance of Nina Simone, and it's just like pull it together, dude. You're embarrassing Britney's weave! Also we want Carly to marry Sean Preston when she grows up.

Credit: YouTube Photo: Watch Carly Rose Sonenclar Sing Nina Simone's "Feeling Good" in X Factor 2012 Audition (VIDEO)