Credit: FOX

We're so excited and we just can't hide it! The X Factor's results show is upon us, and one lucky grifter is about to win $5 million dollars. Somewhere, Reed Deming is crying all over Ellen DeGeneres' blazer.

Of course, now that the end of The X Factor is nigh, everyone has basically gone batsh*t crazy. Need we remind you of the deranged woman who yelled "I got a puppy named Tater"? Or the certifiably-insane cupcake lady who is roaming around Westchester completely unmedicated and full of carbs? As you might expect, the quotes tonight were off the heezy, and we've rounded them up!

10. Khloe greets Simon: "I love your chest hair. So sexy, the chest hair."
It must be opposite day again.

9. Some hillbilly holds up a menu: "Hi Tate, we named four of our plates for you."
OMG, tater-tots.

8. Khloe asks Tate a probing question: "Tate, how did that make you feel? You keep taking breaths."
Wait, dude isn't a robot? Stop everything.

7. Camila chats with Khloe: "Wait, what?"
It's ok, we understand almost nothing she says either.

6. Vino makes a shocking revelation: "Carly's my little sister."
We. Knew. It.

5. Drew comes back to say hey: "I think we should get all the contestants, rent a cabin in Whistler, throw down and snowboard."
We want to examine his brain.

4. Mario pumps up Fifth Harmony: "You were like little Rockies up here all season."
These small children don't understand your '70s movie references, Mario.

3. Mario stage directs One Direction: "Let's get in front of these big lips here."
That's what she said.

2. Mario reveals his newest fetish: "I wanna know what trying to lay an egg sounds like, but that's for another day."
Thank god for the apocalypse.

1. Fans upon seeing One Direction: "DHSJAHDJSAHDJSKAHDKSA."
Our thoughts exactly, ladies. They love our love handles.