We're still high fiving our reflection thanks to this week's episode of X Factor. The meek were finally separated from the strong (bye-bye, Reed), and now we can finally sit back and let the competition begin!
This season's X Factor contestants have been divided into four groups based on their age, and it's time to figure out which tribe of hill people are the power players. We've ranked the groups from X Factor’s top 16 finalists based on their chance of producing a winner, and guys? The competition is fierce. And also full of glitter... by which we mean tears.
Name: L.A.'s Over 25s
Pros: The good news? David Correy found his mom. Thank the fedora gods. The better news? This is one talented group! Between Vino's Creed-meets-Papa-Roach vocals, Tate's cowboy hat (it holds all the secrets), David's obsession with pocket squares, and Jason's non-stop yuletide cheer, we have some major contenders. The problem? They are all ancient old men. See "cons" for more details.
Cons: Do you ever look at L.A.'s fleet of bros and realize that he's recreated The Jets from West Side Story, but with even more jazz hands? We're worried, and not just because most of The Jets died in a musical street fight. L.A's group is kinda... old. Sure, the talent is ripe for the plucking, but is America ready to get behind a middle-aged superstar?
Name: Simon's Groups
Pros: Guys, one word. LYLAS. These gals are lady-gods amongst men, and we have a feeling they are going to hand Simon a big plate of wins. But LYLAS are just the tip of the traveling pants iceberg. Let's not forget about actual sisters, Sister C, and actual brothers Emblem3, both of whom ooze talent. And no, we haven't forgotten you, Lyric Da Queen. We see your eyepatch, we love your eyepatch, now let's move on.
Cons: There's no doubt that groups are making a comeback, but the American People might not be ready for Simon's jelly. Plus, what if Emblem3 forgets their lines during live shows, prompting Simon to fly into a British rage and throw scones at everyone? That would be crumby.
Name: Britney's Teens
Pros: Most of these small children will bring their A-game thanks to the sheer terror of what might happen if they don't. Plus, Britney has some of the best talent in the competition: Carly Rose Sonenclar, Arin Ray, Diamond White, and Beatrice Miller + her terrifying knitted sweater. These Children of the Corn are going to kill it –– if they don't pass out from tear-induced dehydration first.
Cons: In case you'd forgotten, Brit-Brit's group have barely gone through puberty. Will they be able to handle the pressure of stardom without making tragic life decisions? All we know is that The X Factor caused Reed Deming to go to his Ellen Degeneres happy place, and it wasn't pretty.
Name: Demi's Young Adults
Pros: This group is where it's at y’all. Not only does Demi have Willie Jones' flat top magic, she also has Jennel “Flashdance” Garcia, Paige Thomas, and CeCe Frey's leopard print head tattoo –– which was tragically nowhere to be found this week. This group is chock-full of talent, and we have a feeling one of them might just win the five million.
Cons: Most of Demi's lovers and fighters have issues when it comes to their stage presence, which has led Demi (and us!) to be worried. What if CeCe flips out and becomes an actual leopard? It could happen, guys. That’s the magic of television.
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