This week's episode of The X Factor was kind of like going on a haunted house roller coaster ride, but with more vomit, more screaming, and more foot-long churros. Check out the 7 biggest WTF moments of the episode!
1. Jennel Garcia Moonlights as a Mechanic, Deal With It
Umm, you guys? Jennel is a female mechanic. Basically, she's Alex from Flashdance, but not a welder. All we know is that Jenelle lives in some kind of manly garage filled with flannel and chest hair, and hangs out under cars all day clutching things like "hammers" and "screws" (those are the only tool names we know).
2. Simon Cowell Breaks Out His Inner Ren-Faire Lover
Simon's always had a troubling fondness for v-neck cashmere sweaters, but this week he broke out his Shakespearean alter-ego, Simonette. Simon's shirt (nay, blouse — nay, Elizabethan tunic) was free-flowing, puffed, and completely unbuttoned. We've never experienced such a sudden urge to pour our Sally Hansen body wax all over the TV screen.
3. Emblem3 Speak In Complicated Surfer-Bro Language
Shhhh, everyone listen. Emblem3 have a lot of opinions about surfing in California vs. Miami and we want to hear all of them. Also, we want to time travel to 1992 and ride around in an open-top Jeep, while fist-pumping to The Cranberries. Basically, life with Emblem3 is like riding a giant wave — or the crimson tide in our case, right ladies?
4. Jake Garza Face-Plants All Over Meatloaf
Where to begin? Poor Jake and his purple glasses of doom tried to sing our favorite love ballad of all time "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler and Meatloaf, but the poor lamb was so terrified that Britney was going to eat him that he forgot all the words and starting crying for his mom. It's just like, turn around, bright eyes. NO REALLY, turn around.
5. Tara Simon XXX
We don't know what Tara gets up to in that "vocal school" of hers, but we're worried — and not just because she spent her pre-audition twirling around a lamppost as if it was a stripper pole. The real concern? Tara seems to have exposed the fruit of her looms to Simon Cowell during her performance, and her ovaries might never fully recover. Stay strong, ladies.
6. L.A. Reid Mass Rejects Sobbing Contestants
What do you do when you have to crush the dreams of 75 small children? Put them all on stage together, reject them, and hope that they don't drown in their own tears of sorrow. Honestly, L.A. Reid might wake up with a dead horse head in his bed tomorrow. We suggest he build himself a protective shield out of Now That's What I Call Music CDs.
7. Cece Is Still Wearing Her Leopard-Print Head Tattoo
When we first met CeCe we were horrified by her face. Because it was covered in leopard print. Luckily, home girl assured us that her tattoo was temporary, but then she showed up in Miami and it was still there. Either this girl doesn't shower, or she is part tiger. There is no other alternative.