Last night's episode of The X Factor had us dancing around our apartment gleefully while wearing butterfly clips and a self-pierced belly ring. Basically, Britney inspires us deeply. Then again, there were a few WTF moments that we just couldn't get behind. You and your lone tear should probably check 'em out.
1. X Factor's Epic Intro Music Makes Us Weep Soft Tears
Not to bring up the Planet X again (we expect it to impact earth and kill us all any day now), but we must discuss the music used during this week's opening montage. Last time we heard something so epic we were watching Saving Private Ryan, which means X Factor's intro is just as sob-inducing as WWII.
2. Sad Children Cry For Most Of The Show
Did anyone else notice that The X Factor producers (who seem to speak in mysterious robot voices) take a strange and unusual pleasure in making people cry? We haven't seen this many kids weep since back in the ‘90s when our parents cancelled that trip to Disneyland. (Our inner children, guys. They were sad.) Hopefully the innocent X Factor youths will be able to bounce back from Simon's rejection, but we foresee years of therapy.
3. Simon's Group Cheers For Him Enthusiastically
Sinister Simon was greeted with quite a bout of fangirl enthusiasm when he emerged from the stark white walls otherwise known as his house. Considering that most people run away in fear at the mere sight of his free-flowing chest hair, we can only assume that his group mistook him for Britney Spears. Hah, think again, small children.
4. Marc Anthony Makes Love To us With His Eyes
We need to know. We need to know. Tell us, Marc Anthony (aka Baby Girl) 'cause we need to know –– how can one latin pop star be so devastatingly handsome? The moment Marc sashayed out from Simon's holding room we melted into a puddle of swoons, and don't even get us started on his fluttering white shirt and smoldering eyes. No wonder J.Lo got pregnant with twins.
5. Reed Comes To Britney's House Dressed Like Ellen Degeneres
While we love Reed Deming and his small self, we have some concerns about his wardrobe. Mostly because he showed up to Britney Spears' mansion wearing a woman's blazer. Reed's haircut already borders on Meg Ryan circa You've Got Mail, so you can see why we might be worried. No one can save you from yourself, Reed, not even Tom Hanks.
6. Justin Bieber Shows Up In Leather Pants –– and We Use The Word "Pants" Loosely
Justin Bieber has an interesting interpretation of what pants are supposed to do, and seems to think they serve the sole purpose of covering his mid-thigh to ankle. In other words, his butt was free, free as a bird now. We're used to Justin's experimental legwear, but this time his pants were leather. Need we remind you that it's summer in X Factor Land? Justin's Jesus leg tattoo must have been so sweaty.
7. Nick Jonas Doesn't Wear Socks
Nick Jonas, we know you're jealous that your brother has a reality show, and we know you just want to feel the rain on your skin, but please. For the love of Disney, put socks on. There is no excuse for wearing leather shoes sans protection.
BONUS: Emblem3 Strip Off Their Shirts And Faceplant In Simon's Infinity Pool
It's as if they see water and their surfer bodies just respond.
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