Credit: FOX

If only Taylor Swift could perform on X Factor every night, right guys? She is our new feminist icon, and thanks to her, we spent most of "Songs of the Divas" writing Jake Gyllenhaal and Conor Kennedy's names in our burn book. YOU BROKE HER HEART, CONOR. Anyway, most of this episode was even more WTF-y than our feelings about Tay-tay, and we've rounded up the top 5 moments for you to look back on.

5. Demi Is Cinderella, Interns Are Her Forest Creatures
We love nothing more than when the cameras catch the X Factor judges backstage in their natural habitat. L.A. is usually trolling around, terrifying thirteen-year-olds, Simon is usually combing his chest hair, and this week ,Demi pranced around while a slew of interns fondled her clip-in ponytail. They were like bees and she was their bee queen. And the best part? She carried on a normal conversation while these randoms were pawing at the polyester waterfall attached to her head.

4. Simon Gets Handsy, We Look Away
We have a few requests of Simon Cowell: 1) Please button your shirt, for the love of Baby Blue Ivy. 2) Please stop wearing mom jeans. 3) Please stop wandering around backstage and flirting with innocent Fifth Harmony sista-friends. These poor girls were minding their own business (read: giggling adorably for no reason), when who should popped over but Simon, who promptly reached out his middle-aged hand and flirtatiously squeezed a random ex-LYLAS' nose before skipping away coyly. Nopety, nope, nope, nope, Simon!

3. Tate Is Everyone's Dad
You guys, we just want to unbridle our emotions, slip into some cowboy boots, and take a trip to Tate Nation. By which we mean we want to sob into Tate's heaving bosom. This loveable cowboy has become a father-figure to, like, everyone –– including CeCe, who spend upwards of two minutes holding his hand tenderly as she dry-heaved. Ugh, we just want Tate to judge our boyfriends, buy us a car, cry at our graduation, and make us pancakes.

2. Where Was Britney?
Did anyone notice that our Queen, Britney Spelegend was mysteriously absent during 99% of this week's round of X Factor results? Lady was barely on camera, and when she did pop up, it was for a hot second before the cameraman switched over to Simon's open blouse. We're worried that Brit-Brit had a bad day and wasn't emotionally prepared for the live show. Someone hand this girl a Slurpee and some fast food –– clearly, she needs to drown her sorrows in a McMuffin.

1. Mario Dimple Count: Four
Breaking news: Mario's dimples seem to have formed their own dimples, henceforth referred to as Meta Dimples. When he wasn't side-eyeing Khloe Kardashian with thinly-veiled rage during last night's live show, Mario spent most of his time smiling with pure joy. This caused his dimples to essentially explode all over his face. We took the opportunity to study each and every crevice of his handsome mug, and are now counting not two, but four dimples. Yes, there are two brand new dimples forming above Mario's OG dimples, presumably because there's more power in numbers. Are Mario's face-holes breeding in an effort to protect him from Khloe? We think so.

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