For its first live Season 2 elimination round, X Factor boldly went where every other episode has gone before: To a magical land of WTFs, where no one knows each other's name, Emblem 3 is being poisoned by rancid tuna, and wild, hungry Kardashians roam the streets in blue leather dresses.
We've rounded up the top seven spit-take inducing moments of the night — and for those of you wondering, yes, Simon did show up in another fuzzy cashmere sweater.
1. Paige Holds Small Child While Wearing Hat Made of Tiny Swords
Paige is the best mom ever, but was anyone else concerned that her urchin-inspired hat was dangerously close to her kiddo's eyeball? Girlfriend was basically wearing a helmet made of shivs, which doesn't seem like the most toddler-friendly fashion accessory. Then again, poor Paige was probably forced into that thing by some traumatized intern. Not her fault.
2. Mario Continues To Say CeCe's Name Wrong
So, it appears that Mario is so infatuated by his own dimples that he's forgotten how to talk. The results show marked the second night in a row that Mario introduced CeCe and pronounced her name as "Fry" rather than "Frey." It's like, Mario. Everyone else can say it right. Even Khloe "These Are My Nipples" Kardashian can say it right. Pull yourself together, go to your A.C. Slater happy place, and do your job.
3. L.A. Forgets Everyone's Name... Like Actually
We need to talk about L.A., because it might be time for him to go back from whence he came (read: an old folk's home) and get evaluated for senility. Not only did L.A. forget the names of Sister C, he had no clue who Jason Brock was. And yes, Jason is one of the four (just four) people who L.A.'s been "mentoring" for three months. Which brings us to the following PSA: If you find a confuzzled bald man in snazzy glasses wandering the streets and humming to himself, please return him to The X Factor's sound stage.
4. Sister C Fly Into A Rage
Simon Cowell was worried fans wouldn't relate to Sister C, and we're starting to C why. These ladies are sweet, but they're also sassy — and this week they straight up lost it. First, Sister C flew into a rage because they couldn't find their "stairs," then they flew into a rage because they had to "sing to save their lives" (might want to rethink that expression, X Factor), and then Middle C cursed the entire audience with her siren song. Which means we might be living in The Ring.
5. Willie Wears Boots With Spikes on the Toe — Presumably To Protect Himself
Remember back in the day when Willie rocked denim-on-denim and bolo ties? Beautiful times. But then The X Factor's team of "stylists" slapped some sense into his flat top. When you're on X Factor, you dress not to impress, but to save your life. Why do you think Paige was wearing a helmet made out of daggers? Clearly, Willie wore spiked combat boots to protect himself from Britney Spears, which brings us to....
6. Britney Picks Off All Her Nails In a Frenzy
As we all know, Britney Spears suffers from anxiety and cry-cry-cries in her lonely heart on the regular. So as you might expect, being on live TV is slightly stressful, especially when everyone is screaming, crying, being poisoned, and dry-heaving. Unfortunately, Britney was so stressed by the pressure that she started picking her nails — the first sign of a panic attack. We blame Sam Lutfi.
7. LYLAS 1432 Have No Identity, Remain Sad
The Artists Formerly Known As 1432, Formerly-Formerly Known As LYLAS are once again changing their name. They're basically the Lost Boys of X-Factor, which makes Simon Cowell... Rufio?