Graduation season is upon us, which means one thing we can count on seeing in high schools around the country is yearbook superlatives. Since Game of Thrones also just concluded its third season, we decided it would be appropriate, to give our picks for the yearbook superlatives for our favorite medieval fantasy show.
Best Couple — Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth
No surprise here. Everybody loves an odd couple, and couples don’t get much odder than this pair. One’s a kingslayer, the other’s an oathkeeper, but you know what they have in common? On-screen chemistry!
Biggest Flirt — Ygritte
While Ygritte's flirting style may seem to be at a playground level (teasing Jon Snow, stealing his sword, etc.) she clearly knows what she’s doing. Case in point: Her stealing Jon’s virginity while simultaneously getting him to ditch his Night’s Watch vows in that cave. Yeah, she’s a pro.
Class Clown — Tyrion Lannister
Another easy pick, Tyrion is rarely left without something clever to say. Whether he’s making japes about his father, his sister, or, best of all, Joffrey, Tyrion can pinpoint that one thing that’s hilarious about someone and bring it to everyone’s attention. And it doesn’t hurt that he has fellow comedian Bronn to bounce his material off of.
Damn, this man has some fine duds. You want shin-length quilted black leather trench coats? He’s got 'em. Fancy crimson sashes? His closet’s full of 'em. He also wears the hell out of that hand-of-the-king pin. In fact, all he’s really missing is some cool hats. A fedora would look absolutely dynamite with those trench coats.
Best Mean Girl — Cersei Lannister
Cersei has all the requirements of a mean girl: she’s pretty, she’s manipulative, and she’s a total bitch. If Lindsay Lohan ever showed up in Westeros, Cersei would eat her for breakfast and then smirk about it afterwards. Plus, she’s totally fetch.
Least Talkative — Ilyn Payne
Hey, it’s difficult to talk when you don’t have a tongue. Next.
Most Likely to Require Therapy — Theon Greyjoy
So far, we’ve seen Theon beaten, starved, flayed, castrated and renamed “Reek.” The guy already had some serious daddy issues, so after his new experiences we can’t imagine Theon spending the rest of his life anywhere but a mental institution. Let’s just hope he doesn’t develop Stockholm Syndrome before then.
Most Oblivious — Edmure Tully
“Hey, it’s my bedding ceremony! Alright, I’m gonna get laid! You guys just continue the celebration down here! Ain’t no party like a Walder Frey party, cuz a Walder Frey party don’t stop!”... Until everyone is murdered, then it stops. Way to pay attention, Edmure.
Most Likely to Become a Serial Killer — Arya Stark
All the classic signs are there. She has a list of people she wants to kill that she recites at bedtime, she worships “Death” as her god, and oh yeah, she just stabbed a man to death in the finale and said “valar morghulis” (“all men must die” for those who don’t speak Valyrian). Yeah, we think we called this one correctly.
Best Bastard — Jon Snow
Ned Stark’s bastard wins this category almost by default; his main competition being Ramsay Snow and Gendry. Ramsay is so insane he makes Joffrey look like a boy scout, and Gendry, while hot, spent most of the season being passed between worshipers of the Lord of Light. So that leaves Jon Snow, but Jon’s not so terrible. He has a direwolf for a pet, he’s killed a zombie, and he has (had?) an awesome girlfriend, so let’s hear it for the bastard!
Most Likely to Succeed — Daenerys Targaryen
All those fools in Westeros can play their game of thrones and wage their war of five kings for as long as they want, because once Khaleesi crosses the Narrow Sea with her three dragons, it’s going to mean fire and blood for everyone else. Why else would the show commit so much time on her story when she’s half a world away from everyone else if she wasn’t going to win in the end? It’s not like George R.R. Martin would build up this character for years and years and then just kill... Oh no... We’ve made a huge mistake.