The Bachelorette’s Zak Waddell:  Hot Mess of the Week
Credit: Craig Sjodin/ABC    

The Bachelorette

The Bachelorette’s Zak Waddell: Hot Mess of the Week

Clearly Zak Waddell didn't get Chris Harrison's memo on "ways to not come off as totally insane," during this week's episode of The Bachelorette.

Who knows if it was the pressure of Hometown Dates or the pressure of keeping his shirt on for an entire 24 hours, but for reasons that have yet to be analyzed by a professional psychologist, Zak felt the need to hijack a snow cone truck and dress up like a giant penguin — ruining the movie March of the Penguins and traumatizing several dozen innocent children in the process.

Did you see the way Zak Waddell-ed over to those frightened youths all "QUACK QUACK QUACK EAT MY CONES!?" Because it was truly terrifying. Much like the moment Zak peeled off his penguin hat and tried to kiss Desiree Hartsock. No one wants in on your furry fantasies, friend.

Unfortunately, Zak's hot-messiness took a turn for the even more severe when he gave Desiree a promise ring (because he's secretly a middle school girl), and then introduced her to his tribe of minstrel siblings, who wasted no time in serenading Desiree with an acoustic guitar. It was as if a ridiculously good-looking college a cappella group made love to a squad of Texas troubadours with a Brady Bunch fetish. We expect their single to drop any day now.

Not so surprisingly, Des chose to deflower Zak, and it was the saddest thing ever. Poor thing didn't see the breakup coming (because he's never watched The Bachelorette before?), and seemed genuinely shocked when he was shoved into a limo and escorted out of California. But the most tragic part? When Zak forced his limo driver to pull over, and chucked the ring he bought Desiree out the window.

We blame you for all of this, ring. Clearly Desiree was so disgusted that you weren't crafted by Neil Lane that she was forced to eliminate Zak. Way to fail.

Now, BRB, heading to Hollywood to find Des' cast off cubic zirconia band so we can pretend Zak is our fiance.