“I’m Not White, I’m Tan” Snooki’s 10 Best Jersey Shore Lines of All-Time
In honor of Snooki, the O.M. (Original Meatball) and her 24th birthday, we've taken the liberty of compiling our ten favorite Snooki lines of all time. She's become a pretty iconic catch-phrase queen. (Seriously, where we would be without such metaphorical genius as "it was like putting a watermelon into a pinhole"?) So, let's check out some vintage Snooki-isms. Without further ado:
10. Snooki: “I'm not white.” JWOWW: “What are you?” Snooki: “Tan.”
Yes, she wrote that in the "Other" section of the "Race" box on a job application once.
9. Caller: “Can I speak to Angelina please?” Snooki: “NO, she died.”
Quick-witted and classically sassy.
8. Snooki: “I feel like a pilgrim from the friggin’ ‘20s washing sh*t right now.”
And we feel like friggin' Elizabethan ladies-in-waiting from the ‘50s watching you on our TVs. ...We don't even know.
7. Snooki: “After I run for president, Deena is going to be vice-president. I would get sh*t done in this country. The economy would rise, everyone would be tan, and all the radios would play house music.”
Sorry Snooks. The day Snooki starts formulating political policy will be the real day the music died.
6. Snooki: “I hate the ocean, it's all whale sperm. Everybody Google it, because that's why the water is salty, from the f*ckin' whale sperm.”
And Google it we did.
5. Snooki [while staring at the ocean in Seaside Heights]: “Where's the beach?”
It's where you face-planted before getting arrested for being tan-girl wasted in broad daylight.
4. Snooki: “Honestly, like who hides in a bush? Only me. I will pee in a bush, I will poop in a bush, I will hide in a bush. I do f*cked up sh*t, I don't even know what's wrong with me.”
Does that mean we're absolved of trying to figure it out?
3. Snooki: “I don’t go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us, like McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning...because he is pale and he would probably wanna be tanned.”
This winning line had McCain and Snooki tweeting each other! Man are we glad that guy isn't president.
2. Snooki: “I couldn't even tell you how I felt in that jail cell. It was like a f*cking phenomenon. I'm not a phenomenon. I'm a train-wreck.”
We stopped trying to speculate what words she was searching for a long time ago.
And, of course we had to save the #1 spot for Snooki's best burn:
1. Snooki: “Thank you, Mike, because you're an asshole and we hate you and you're a bad person and you were born in 1965.”
Happy Birthday, Snooks! Keep 'em coming. xoxo, Wetpaint Entertainment.
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